Monday, February 22, 2010

Popping the blog cherry. Preface

Years ago, when I was working for a major retail chain in customer service, the one part of every day I looked forward to was my 1/2 hour lunch break, where I would often head outside to the back of the store, where there was a garden area and picnic table, complete with umbrella. It wasn't much, but it was certainly a much needed change of scenery. It provided me with a chance to get away from the hectic stressful obstacles of the work day and cool down, vent, and just recharge myself so I could prepare myself for round 2 until I was done for the day.

I am severely allergic to bees, in fact I guess you could say I am deathly allergic. I have to carry an Epipen in case I should ever get stung. So when a nest of bees built quite an impressive hive about 5 feet away from my break area, I guess I should have realized even then God, or Karma or Destiny or whichever hands of fate were responsible for this hive of aggressive bees, had a very demented sense of humour. One that would become the very thread of my existence. I can appreciate a demented sense of humour.

So the bees moved in, and became incredibly territorial as most Africanized crossbred bees do, and every time I needed to "escape" from my work place, I often ended up becoming the ridiclue of my workplace as I ran screaming from the back of the store, moving my arms in all sorts of contorted movements, very similar to that of one having a grand maul seizure, as a few pissed off bees chased me away. I tried smoking them out, I even went to the trouble of hooking up a garden hose from the side of building, and brought that out with me to soak those bees if they started with me. Didn't work. Then I just thought- fuck it- and started bringing my lunch out with me. Can't beat 'em, join 'em. And I just learned to remain calm and still as one, then two, then four bees landed on my hand while I was eating or drinking, and just decided to let them have a bite too. Win-win situation.

Eventually those bees became cool with me being on their turf, and I regained a sense of calm from a place I hadn't ever thought I would. This blog is about me describing the satyrical, ironic and even humourous exploits of my everyday life.
I laugh at myself, often. I have to, otherwise I would end up stark raving mad and owning stock in pharmaceutical companies. So now you can laugh at me too. Enjoy.

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